While living in the jungle I experienced many trials that differed from any trial I had ever experienced in the States. One of those being the dire feeling of hunger. A constant craving for chocolate, ice cream, Dad´s bbq, Chik-Fil-A, pizza, etc. My mind would wander off daydreaming of winning the lottery in Wendys hamburgers or a year supply of Ben and Jerry´s ice cream. Crazy things happen to you in the jungle!
During our approximate 5 months of training in the jungle, we were allowed a small allowance each week to buy food from the market. In an effort to push us to our breaking point, our boss J would occasionally limit our budget, forcing us to learn to ration our food and learn to go without. We all attempted to ration our food as carefully as we could but, unfortunately, due to our American mindset of eating excessively and for pleasure, this was a struggle.
One week we ate rice and beans for breakfast, lunch, and dinner for several days. One can imagine the results of such. That made for very long nights as we were squeezed elbow to elbow in a small wooden truck bed. The situation only worsened as time went by. One of our friends, an older Xtremer, brought us some fruit flavored fiber pills. We all tried one and were immediately hooked to the mouth-watering taste of sugar. I was the worst at controlling my daily dosage of pills. I found myself sneaking 2 and 3 at a time, and on average eating anywhere from 5 to 10 a day. You can probably guess what happened next!
As the effects of the fiber pills were setting in, my team began to get worried. They asked me all kinds of medical questions and couldn´t figure out what was happening. Not wanting them to find out, for fear of losing my sweet, fruit flavored friends, I blamed it on a parasite. No one knew of my secret addiction until they realized the bottle of fiber pills were almost empty. They immediately questioned me and after denying their accusations my red face and nervous twitch gave it away. Therefore, a new rule was set in place, that no one was to allow me to eat any more fiber pills. A couple days later I claimed it was a miracle that the stomach issues had disappeared, however, they didn´t think it was funny.
As I dreamed about food, home, a warm bed, hot shower, etc., I became very discontent and overwhelmed. After not having eaten in three days I reached my limit and left the girls to take a walk. Immediately I broke down as thoughts of leaving, quiting, and regret began to flood my mind. As I walked deeper into the jungle, my mind sank deeper into these negative thoughts. I began mulling over every negative aspect, difficulty, or trial I was facing: bug bites, infections, sickness, bland food, hunger pains, sleepless nights, hard continuous work, extreme heat and humidity, and having to give up my rights and desires.
The jungle was no longer beautiful, adventurous, and inviting, but suffocating, foreign, and miserable! I felt I was on the front lines being attacked right and left. At that point I fell to the ground holding the surrender flag and with everything in me cried out to God, ¨I´m done! I give up, I can´t do this any longer, I surrender! Please, if you love me send that 100 ft anaconda to eat me!¨
At that moment God reminded me of the story of Jacob and Esau. In that time the birthright was everything, your treasure, prize, and joy. This was your livelihood, the greatest blessing you could have. However, in a moment of weakness and desire Esau traded it for the temporal pleasure of a BOWL OF SOUP! Crazy, right? That is what I thought until God showed me how I was like Esau. My flesh was in a state of misery desiring that sweet feeling of comfort again. I was so busy focusing on the negative and whining about my discomfort that I was forgetting all the things God was doing in me.
I had been growing more than I ever had. Experiencing a true relationship with my Father. Daily, as my flesh was being crucified with Christ on the cross I was becoming one with Him. I don´t know any other way to put this except that I was falling in love with my maker! Never have I felt so much love within me. I loved taking walks with Jesus, just He and I walking together. We would talk, I would cry telling him of my struggle, and we would laugh together as I attempted to sing to Him. (Many of you know I am the one choirs tend to put in the back, claiming it´s a height issue.) Nevertheless, here I was ready to give it all away; trade this precious time in my life for temporal comfort and pleasure.
How many times do we do this in our daily lives? Excluding God fom our personal lives, relationships, work, decisions, even ministry for our own pride or comfort? Also, when facing trials we whine or complain, questioning His love, power, and soveriegnty. My prayer for you is that you recieve His love and will for your life in the many different forms it may come. The majority of the time He just wants your attention, love, and dependency on Him. Trust like Job in His unconditional love and wisdom for you , His beloved child.
Zeph. 3:17, Jer. 29:11
During our approximate 5 months of training in the jungle, we were allowed a small allowance each week to buy food from the market. In an effort to push us to our breaking point, our boss J would occasionally limit our budget, forcing us to learn to ration our food and learn to go without. We all attempted to ration our food as carefully as we could but, unfortunately, due to our American mindset of eating excessively and for pleasure, this was a struggle.
One week we ate rice and beans for breakfast, lunch, and dinner for several days. One can imagine the results of such. That made for very long nights as we were squeezed elbow to elbow in a small wooden truck bed. The situation only worsened as time went by. One of our friends, an older Xtremer, brought us some fruit flavored fiber pills. We all tried one and were immediately hooked to the mouth-watering taste of sugar. I was the worst at controlling my daily dosage of pills. I found myself sneaking 2 and 3 at a time, and on average eating anywhere from 5 to 10 a day. You can probably guess what happened next!
As the effects of the fiber pills were setting in, my team began to get worried. They asked me all kinds of medical questions and couldn´t figure out what was happening. Not wanting them to find out, for fear of losing my sweet, fruit flavored friends, I blamed it on a parasite. No one knew of my secret addiction until they realized the bottle of fiber pills were almost empty. They immediately questioned me and after denying their accusations my red face and nervous twitch gave it away. Therefore, a new rule was set in place, that no one was to allow me to eat any more fiber pills. A couple days later I claimed it was a miracle that the stomach issues had disappeared, however, they didn´t think it was funny.
As I dreamed about food, home, a warm bed, hot shower, etc., I became very discontent and overwhelmed. After not having eaten in three days I reached my limit and left the girls to take a walk. Immediately I broke down as thoughts of leaving, quiting, and regret began to flood my mind. As I walked deeper into the jungle, my mind sank deeper into these negative thoughts. I began mulling over every negative aspect, difficulty, or trial I was facing: bug bites, infections, sickness, bland food, hunger pains, sleepless nights, hard continuous work, extreme heat and humidity, and having to give up my rights and desires.
The jungle was no longer beautiful, adventurous, and inviting, but suffocating, foreign, and miserable! I felt I was on the front lines being attacked right and left. At that point I fell to the ground holding the surrender flag and with everything in me cried out to God, ¨I´m done! I give up, I can´t do this any longer, I surrender! Please, if you love me send that 100 ft anaconda to eat me!¨
At that moment God reminded me of the story of Jacob and Esau. In that time the birthright was everything, your treasure, prize, and joy. This was your livelihood, the greatest blessing you could have. However, in a moment of weakness and desire Esau traded it for the temporal pleasure of a BOWL OF SOUP! Crazy, right? That is what I thought until God showed me how I was like Esau. My flesh was in a state of misery desiring that sweet feeling of comfort again. I was so busy focusing on the negative and whining about my discomfort that I was forgetting all the things God was doing in me.
I had been growing more than I ever had. Experiencing a true relationship with my Father. Daily, as my flesh was being crucified with Christ on the cross I was becoming one with Him. I don´t know any other way to put this except that I was falling in love with my maker! Never have I felt so much love within me. I loved taking walks with Jesus, just He and I walking together. We would talk, I would cry telling him of my struggle, and we would laugh together as I attempted to sing to Him. (Many of you know I am the one choirs tend to put in the back, claiming it´s a height issue.) Nevertheless, here I was ready to give it all away; trade this precious time in my life for temporal comfort and pleasure.
How many times do we do this in our daily lives? Excluding God fom our personal lives, relationships, work, decisions, even ministry for our own pride or comfort? Also, when facing trials we whine or complain, questioning His love, power, and soveriegnty. My prayer for you is that you recieve His love and will for your life in the many different forms it may come. The majority of the time He just wants your attention, love, and dependency on Him. Trust like Job in His unconditional love and wisdom for you , His beloved child.
Zeph. 3:17, Jer. 29:11
1 comments:
I thought about the Jacob and Esau story a lot while I was in the jungle too. That bowl of soup doesn't sound so silly when your there yourself. You did a great job of explaining just how hard it is. :)
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